Each birthday, I remember something that happened a long time ago relating to birthdays. I remember it so clearly like the time when I drank a whole glass of whiskey around the same time, but that’s a story for another time. Anyways, this one, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was probably around 16 years ago before my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 5 years old, living in Nepal; a fairly normal life with my Mom and grandparents and my dad was in the US. Didn’t we all get so excited about birthdays when we were kids? It meant the world to me, so many gifts, so many chocolates,, so many soccer balls, etc. etc. I used to count days 3 months before it came.
One day after school, I was running around in the 4th floor of the house with a big new water gun that I really loved and had kept for Holi. I was counting the days: “less than 45 days!” I was so excited. Mom was washing dishes in the kitchen. I asked her when her birthday was(it was a month before mine) and asked her what she did in her birthday. She said that she did nothing. I asked her if it was her wish or her parents didn’t do it for her and I think she said that they don’t do anything for her. This was so shocking for me that such a special day as birthday wasn’t being celebrated for her by her parents and I got so devastated that I quickly ran away and threw that light green water gun down to the ground floor from the terrace. It probably broke and I didn’t care, but I remember crying my eyes out sitting up there, just thinking about how my grandparents didn’t celebrate her birthday. It was probably the saddest thing I ever heard in that age and maybe the reason I remember it so clearly to this day. My grandmother and mom later asked why I threw the water-gun and why I was crying and I simply told them that it fell and I cried because of that.
This is one small but memorable secret about birthday which I have told absolutely no one an thought I’d share it today since tomorrow’s my birthday. I have never shared it with anyone maybe because I don’t talk about my mom and the very little time I spent with her to anyone I don’t trust. This blog gave me a chance to open up about a lot of my feelings. Thanks for reading.